BRPS Message Board

Second Chance at Love

susannespsyris — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 13:26:40 GMT

A single glance by chance my way
did not predict that fate had played
my hand for me and played it well
in hindsight clues they did foretell.

Your gaze emblazoned with desire
ignited my internal fire
and caused me to abandon him
while holding dear a daring whim.

In your embrace Id face the wrath
of wandering the aimless path
that brought me to your loving arms
and filled my heart with all your charms.

So, now I leave believing still
that once what was, I must now kill
to move forward through this life of pain
and find the hope of love again.

Forum: All Poetry

Licking lips

Crow — Thur, 05 Nov 2009 03:08:37 GMT

Licking lips

We dance on broken glass and bathe in scalding water

We walk beyond the fence of rules outside of sight

Like fire we burn, corrupt, reshape and bring to life

Our love is death to all that taste it because its too deep

We live life between the falling pieces of sand

For us time is nothing

Gaps that are filled with brilliant spiraling insanity

Burning kisses, anger, violence, sympathy, caring

Passion and darkness

Children of chaos

Bound to the burning leaves and bleeding heart

Get on your dirty knees and plead for it

Spilling our souls unto the canvas of life

On each other between sweats sweet sin

Unafraid of what others will think

Lips locked in deaths sweet bliss

This wasnt death but life that I embraced

I used to read the encyclopedia when I got bored

It was my second trip through it but I stopped at h

Sick of listening to the faucet dripping in patterns of insanity

The sanctity of holy men

Making me smash my head against the wall

Forming a map of the star system Orion in my blood

As it dripped from my new found stigmata

It was there I first noticed her

Sitting by herself hating humanity as much as me

Hating relationships filled with games and lies

Standing outside the sheepel of this life

Lets call her passion for sake of a better name

She was the needle in my veins

The tongue that circled my .

Beautiful

It was in the darkness that we met

Amused at the antics of mortal frailty around us

The prison bars of ancient dogma and modern fear

Afraid to accept the cravings of the skin

Afraid of love, lust, the passions of life

We went people watching just to see them trip

Onlookers devouring the soft meat and leaving the fat

Consumed in their own self hate so much they hurt others

Caught in the prison of their minds

Popping pills just to think through the day

But we laughed together amused

Children of chaos we locked hands

Wrist bound together in barb wire

Circled in duct tape

Dripping cotton candy blood in our own world

Passions dark kiss

But it felt so good

To fall between the ticks and the tocks

Of this short life

Just two souls licking lips

Forum: Dark Poetry

Lesson on Constructive Feedback

Carol — Thur, 05 Nov 2009 00:13:57 GMT

In response to Crow's note on giving constructive feedback and some of the comments that followed, I decided to just lay out some of the commonly accepted rules of giving constructive feedback in a way that it doesn't offend the person being reviewed, but does offer some suggestions to improve. Frankly, all of us can use that kind of feedback. Even the best writers are always looking for ways to improve. After reading the feedback it is, of course, up to the writer to decide whether it is something he/she feels comfortable with using or whether it is just the reader's subjective opinion and maybe the reader didn't "get" what the writer was trying to achieve. We can always take it or leave it, but this kind of feedback should, at least, be offered so the writer can consider it and choose whether to use all or any of it.

So...it's always a good idea to start off with something you LIKED about the writing. It sets a tone of appreciation and offers a positive feeling. Then you can name specific things that you think may be expressed or written or edited...and tell why. Specific is important so it is understood exactly what was needed, from the reader's point of view. "Why" is important so the writer will know whether it is a mechanical thing (grammar, punctuation, etc.) or a more subjective thing...or a conceptual thing, etc. Then end the review with another positive comment about something you actually liked about the piece. There is always something we can find that we like in even a piece we think needs a lot of work. By starting and ending with positives we're letting the writer feel appreciated, while still offering ways to improve.

I'm sure these are things that all of us have been told at one time or another, but after reading Susanne's comment about not wanting to hurt feelings, etc. I felt that maybe we could all use a reminder (myself included!)

We ARE here to support each other and to help each other grow. In that spirit it's important we feel comfortable enough to offer constructive feedback in a positive, but helpful way.

Carol

Forum: General Chat "public"

Lustful Means

AmberLarie — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 20:04:30 GMT

Lust befriends a guilty hand,

That strays away from sacred vows,

Hide the shiny golden band,

Deceit does hail when will allows,

Form a bond that never breaks,

Rake the virtue across the coals,

Tear this heart with jagged stakes,

While hiding filthy withered souls,

Dreams are lost in darkened pleasure,

Suspecting every sin in play,

Despite the inches that are measured,

Nothing hidden will fall away,

Caught inside a tangled nest,

Of lies and perpetrated bliss,

Begging knees at very best,

Cannot undo a painful kiss,

Excuses heard not truly heard,

Faulty actions are clearly seen,

Apologies left without words,

There is no justice in the means

Forum: Dark Poetry

Need Honest reviews and constructive reviews

Crow — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 14:48:55 GMT

OK guys what happens is that you like people and don't want to alienate them or make people feel bad but that will not help anyone grow as an artist. This forum is meant to form great artists and to push people to think outside the box. I want people to give honest reviews and make them constructive with ideas or concepts. That doesn't mean an average poet will become Poe because of your review but it will force them to think about what they write.
Not all poems are gems i have written many that suck, that's what happens when you experiment. But i also don't want people to just throw things out there. Poems should try and evoke feelings or touch emotions in people, paint an image of whatever you are trying to get across besides working on flow and expression. So make sure your reviews are constructive to make people grow and not just flattering without cause.

Forum: General Chat "public"

Mysteria

FulCoParaNY81 — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 04:40:44 GMT

Mysteria;
stranger of fiction,
Grant me thine light,
Nameless beauty,
Untamed and unending,
I am helpless to withstand,
Your gaze could move mountains and split sunsets,
Into shades of subtle hues,
Speak soft, dear angel;
for you may crush my heart with heavy words,
I am your captive,
Intrinsic and en flamed,
By choice and with force,
Like a careless snowman,
Standing too near the Sun;
I melt to you,
Finally complete,
Mysteria, mysteria.

Forum: All Poetry

The Crush of Athena

FulCoParaNY81 — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 04:35:37 GMT

Athena rises;
from thoughts of self-masturbation,
Grabbing, grinding, lust parts in motion,
A sanctified sinner,

I am in verbal omission,
As her heavy breasts climb and fall;
against the late autumn breeze,
I am ecstasy imagined,

Scenes of lewd and alluring acts make staff rigid,
Bliss on tap,
Delivering rapture,
Athena on high;
at least on my head.

Forum: Dark Poetry

Prophecy

FulCoParaNY81 — Wed, 04 Nov 2009 04:30:59 GMT

I am Wormwood,
Messenger of the stars,
In eternal vacuum, I drift,
Setting the stage;
destructive fire,
May all of your waters feign crimson,
Signaling death,
Ferocious famine,
One of three will perish on land,
One of three will pollute the skies no longer,
One of three stricken from seas;
in tidal cleansing,
So it is written, so shall it unfold.

Forum: Dark Poetry

Back

AmberLarie — Mon, 02 Nov 2009 18:24:46 GMT

Hello all,

I am officially Mrs. Connelly now! I will be back on regularly by the end of this week! It will be great to be here everyday again!

Amber

Forum: General Chat "public"

Fall Rains

Carol — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 20:16:01 GMT

Fall Rains

Tears flow down
The face of the landscape,
Steady drip from colorless sky,
Reminder of the subsiding flood,
Threatening all that remains
Of the summer of hope.

Somewhere the sun shines,
Painting perpetual smiles
On those basking in its life.

Fractured dreams scattered
On the puddled ground,
Leaves on the floor
Like pieces in a puzzle
Yet to be assembled
For lack of the box top
Where the picture is seen complete.

Longing eyes scan
The chaotic array of jumbled fragments
In another attempt
To project a whole
From shattered, disconnected parts.
Musty smell of decaying vegetation
Once pungent with tantalizing scents,
Now hinting of the long sleep,
With only the slightest aroma
Of the birth of another dream.

Even the sounds are muted,
Lacking the energy
Found when leaves are green
And sun is coaxing life
Into celebration.

In this somber scene
I study the reflections
In the puddles of tears,
Seeking hidden flint and steel
To ignite the hearth
That offers promise
Of warmth and light
In the gray of the coming season.

2009 Carol Dixon

Forum: Dark Poetry

tears from hell

deathquil — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 21:51:46 GMT

as the image in my mind wanders through oblivion

these eyes of mine foretell the ways into my soul

tattered wings trail uselessly along a broken road

memories fly in abandon through my nightmares

sending my conscience to the outer reaches of my own self made hell

shivers trace blood stained lines across my chest

down these hallowed holes of self despair I lay

my inner being torn beyond the brink of all mortal worlds

spine like ridges in the canyon of my mind break my endless fall

I lay broken, shattered and scarred across the valley floor

Running beside me are dark demons as my dreams fly away

A strangled scream escapes my lips, cutting through long stilled skies

Broken stars crash around me in the cold night air

Paths of darkness are caught swimming past my eyes

To run from invisible fears becomes a pointless wonder

Escape becoming a fleeting dream in the dawn of morning

From the shadows emerge creatures with the wings of the devil

All with singed, corroded flesh peeling from their faces

The putrid smell of sulfuric lives burn away my senses

Time in my world has come to a stop while tears boil to vapor

I crawl to safety in the depths of a cave while the walls collapse around me

Having lost all comprehension of the person that I was

Lost amidst the flaming anger in my hearts soul

I stagger back against the darkness, body pressed into a wall

Feeling the smooth stones closing in around my skin

Feeling myself sink further into darkness and the cold suffocation of rock

Pulled into the depths of my disillusioned imagination

Down along the canyoned corridors of my mind

By the time the nightmares ceased to flow, truth crept unbidden behind me

The unrealistic possibilities that the nightmares had been real

Hands of the savior stagger around on charred fingers

Along the dusty trails of self doubt and unshakeable anger

My abilities to see reason beyond my own glazed eyes strengthen while my senses dim

Siding with my deepest desires of death and destruction

Sightless to the horrors my reality has created

Wondering why my dreams have fled, I run for higher ground

Keeping my head down and my useless eyes closed

Pushing along a sodden road, my body slips away in the mud

And pained memories of suffocation blur my mind, stilling my breath

Distracting me from my seldom gained goal of life

As time collapses in a whirl pool of ashes and dying worlds

I struggle against elements brought by hellish visions and illusions

Slipping behind my eyes, casting shadows across my soul

Along the edges of my immortality I stand obscured

The contemplative desires of my childhood run paths of streaming gold

Frost then settles along my silent form, as freezing tears fall along my cheek

Forum: Dark Poetry

dreams

deathquil — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 21:51:00 GMT

these decadent songs

such a morbid flow

ive run my course

no where left to go

a tumbled step

down a broken road

my tattered soul

my own burning abode

the blood that courses

in my veins

my shadowed nightmares

down memory lane

these pinching desires

that tickle the skin

spirits run low

blood level has thinned

ive streaked through worlds

of molten grass

sat atop hills

as cosmos passed

golden creatures

dazzled bright

held back my hand

despising their light

a gentle breeze

through tangled hair

my heart is closer

to my despair

my voice leaps out

in a strangled shout

my challenge soars

up to the clouds

remembering not

the years ive grown

only knowing

my soul has flown

these darkened summers

of shimmering lands

the moon holds up

her silver hands

hope abounds

in the grey of dawn

under my pillows

the blinds are drawn

I dream of worlds

once gone lost

and hold the nightmares

with frightful cost

this power slipping

behind my eyes

I know shall cause

my own demise

though there I cower

night and day

till the devil comes

to lead my way

Forum: Dark Poetry

dream on

deathquil — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 21:45:57 GMT

this sacred life that i hold in my hands
is the only thing that helps me to stand
the love of my child is just so much to bare
but she'll always be mine and i'll always be there
to reach from the depths of the soul i thought lost
unplanned is this day as i dream up the cost
for those in my life who plunder and toy
as i cry in the shadows with confidence destroyed
the blood in my veins like the ink in my pen
start to run thin as i write my life's end
beginning again in this cold frail world
my eyes are now open a new spirit unfurls
the wind pricks at my skin as my sweat blows away
my wall is destroyed as i enter this day
clairvoyant my mind, as i see into life
the start of the end, song cuts like a knife

i tumble with thoughts as they whirl through my mind
lucidity rocked by the passage of time
walking strange roads ive known all my days
demons have troubled my well tread ways
reflections sail on a lake of glass
my passage of life brought back in a mass
the pool of my dreams, i hold in my palms
as i drink from the drought my eyes become calm
with wisdom came age, and with age is the past
this innocent hand that i hold, is all that will last
my dreams for my future are harder to catch
traps laid by my mind...i am my own match
yet my daughter is watching as my head i hold high
as my dreams take a twist i let out a sigh
for the sake of our young i hope they dont fall
as i fell with my dreams from my own anger-made wall

Forum: All Poetry

short stories

deathquil — Sat, 31 Oct 2009 21:43:21 GMT

ok, for those that read the first chunk of my story, ive added on to it and changed the title. be warned the next part is VERY graphic (theres a warning on the title) thank you for any feedback

Forum: General Chat "public"

The Black Rose "old brps poem"

Crow — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 23:07:17 GMT

The Black Rose

Scented candles illuminating twisted woodland branches
They sit upon an ancient gnarled oak stump
Cascading cinnamon wax dripping onto dried dead leaves
Forming faces of futures love upon the rich dark earth
Melting into copper images of fortunes soon to be
Health brimming from the flesh of the asp and cedar
Breathe in deeply the rose scent
Let it caress your mind and purify the spirit

Sitting in Pans predawn light listening to Bacchus stir to life
Wet purple concord grapes hang heavy born in this place of solitude
A cool woodland mist flows through thickets and brush
It surrounds all in loves white protective grace

I look upon the waters of this black bowl made of copper
Gazing forever into the placid onyx depths to see what was and will be
In the murk of shadows an image appears
A black rose dripping golden dew from each petal
It speaks to me in sleeps soft whisper touching the corners of my mind
Bleeding crimson words from thoughts spoken on full lips
In the solitude of self I hear each one like a soft melody

Shadows of woodland spirits look at me from behind the rocks
Wearing acorn hats and beards twice as long as my years
The black crow upon the crooked branch peers tilting its head
Bringing messages from those that hide behind the rose
Those that look back from the other side of the mirror

Incantations cast upon the sweet winds of the gnarled woods
Lucid images flow deeply from the black bowl like memories
Times of peace and moments of pain
Languishing in crystal dreams of sentient pleasure
Splashes of fleshes prism cast in fire
Each petal penning its vision of the universe
Awash in crimson, gold, black colors of true passion

Dark eyes feasting on images lost to the future
Friends long gone sitting in shrouded hollows
Forgetting the sounds of the crow calling upon them
Messages lost to the cold northern winds
Looking for something in the great nothing that is
The life of living in the natural

Black petals bleeding there love upon the earth
Rose incense scenting the swaying trees
Seedlings growing among the thorns and thistles of life
Wet rock glistening under the grey owls deep stare
Who it asks?
The crow answers back
We of the Black rose

Watching, waiting, exalting
White and black wings fighting one another
The self shall rise and embrace that good which resides within
A parable needed to be unfolded within the mind and heart
Come with me into the great woods of you and peer into the black bowl
Tell me what you see as the Black Rose unfolds

Forum: Dark Poetry